in the quiet

you know that person who never seems to be at a loss for words? no matter the situation or who they’re with, they always seem to have something to say. they always have something to add to the conversation. you know that person? well i’m not that person. in fact, i think i’m they’re complete opposite. ever been asked the question, “if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be”? this is what i’d change. you hear all the time that words are powerful. i believe this. but i also believe that silence is powerful as well. people who know me, know that i am not a woman of many words. spoken words that is. and some of you might say that isn’t such a bad thing. i would have to dispute that. okay, so it’s not always a bad thing but my silence has cost me a lot in my 32 years. (gosh, am i really 32? where did the years go?) what has it cost me you ask? at times it’s cost me protection, opportunity and more times i’d like to admit, i think it has cost me from deepening certain relationships. something that i want people to understand about me, just because i don’t talk much, doesn’t mean i don’t have anything to say. there are times i have lots to say and something from deep inside me keeps me from opening my mouth. i fear at times that others might think that i have nothing to add to the conversation or that i’m not interesting or interested. and it’s just not true. this is something that has been something that i’ve been fighting with my whole life. i look back on what i’ve lost b/c of my unspoken words and it breaks my heart. i know that all you ever wanted from me was to talk to you. you have no idea how bad i wanted to. i’m sorry i let this fear ruin one of the best things that ever happened to me.  some where along the way it was embedded into my brain that what i have to say wasn’t important enough. i know this isn’t true. i know that’s not who God created me to be. His word says that He knows every word that is on my tongue before i even say it. i’m tired of biting my tongue and i’m tired of holding back. and most of all i’m tired of letting those moments pass me by. moments that i’ll never get back. i’m being completely vulnerable here. but i just ask that next time, remember, it’s not that i’m bored or not interested or boring or that i don’t have anything to say. the words are there. just wait and listen, i promise you’ll hear them.

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3 responses to “in the quiet

  1. We have so much in common, we both love soup and snow peas, we love the outdoors, and talking and not talking. We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about.

  2. thigpen – you get me.
    and just for the record, this blog isn’t about one person in particular. it’s about many. just so ya know…..i’ve already had a few inquiries.

  3. well, i have never thought that about you. guess i just didn’t know? oh wait…or maybe i was talking too much. HA! j/k
    i’m going to wait and listen from now on, b/c i really want to hear what you have to say.

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